G20 Seating Plan Places Tony Abbott At The Kids' Table.
The release of the seating plan for the initial G20 meetings in
Brisbane have proven embarrassing for the Government as Prime Minister
Tony Abbott has been assigned a seat at the children’s table.
The Prime Minister will be expected to sit with Barack Obama’s
children Sasha and Malia as well various nieces and nephews of Russian
President Vladimir Putin. The Backburner understands that while Mr. Abbott will no longer be privvy to policy discussions he will get to have chicken nuggets for lunch.
The rest of the world's leaders will be seated at the 'Adults' table
across the hall. Mr. Abbott will be permitted to visit but only if he
promises to keep his voice down.
Initially this was thought to be a terrible blunder but a
spokesperson for the group organizing the G20 clarified that this was
according to design.
“This wasn’t an accident by any means,” said Kyle Martine, a G20
spokesperson. “Mr. Abbott has repeatedly proven he does not play well
with others. He is incapable of keeping his hands to himself and has
even threatened to ‘shirtfront’ other members of the group.”
“If he proves he can behave we'll talk about moving him back.”
The Prime Minister has expressed dissatisfaction at the announcement but said he will honor the arrangement.
“It is my hope that we can make the best of this situation and move
ahead productively,” said Mr. Abbott. “I will be engaged in important
policy discussions with some of the most powerful children in the world.
They’ve already taught me a lot about sharing and kindness which we
will hopefully integrate into our next budget.”
“Also, after lunch David Cameron’s son is going to crouch behind Putin and I’ll push him over. It’ll be brilliant.”
The G20 begins this Friday provided no more wars are accidentally
started before then. Mr. Abbott has claimed he's looking forward to the
conference and is excited about his new seating arrangement.
"The adults table is so boring. We've already separated each other
into 'Goodies' and 'Baddies' and we're preparing for a food fight."
The Backburner is Australia's most trusted news source. It is
quite obviously satire and shouldn't be taken seriously or as an excuse
to sue SBS.
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