The Coalition Plan for a Better Australia « The Australian Independent Media Network

The Coalition Plan for a Better Australia « The Australian Independent Media Network

The Coalition Plan for a Better Australia

By Kaye Lee on May 8, 2014 • ( 3 )

The
first thing we need to do is get rid of the toxic carbon tax.  It is
destroying the joint.  After all, emissions went up.  Ok, I know that
greenhouse gas emissions from the electricity sector are down about 7.6
per cent since the carbon tax was introduced, or the equivalent of about
14.8 million tonnes, and that demand has dropped as businesses and
individuals adopt energy efficiency methods, but emissions from coalmine
expansion and new gas plants have been soaring.  And that’s what we
want!  More coal and more gas to make our country better.


And as for renewable energy, competition like that is bad for the
country.  It puts up prices.  I know normally one would consider
competition a good thing but not in this case.  Have you seen those wind
farms?  They are U.G.L.Y they ain’t got no alibi they ugly uh huh they
ugly.  I know there was some talk of 1 million solar roofs before the
election.  That information was purely a discussion paper that was
inadvertently leaked by a junior staffer who has since been counselled.


And that mining tax has to go because it is stopping investment.  It
may not have raised much money but it has scared off mining companies
who will take our resources offshore to develop more cheaply – I’m not
sure how, but they will.  Don’t you worry about THAT, you people.


It’s a well-known fact that people don’t appreciate something unless
they have to pay for it.  I don’t mean you people who are fraudulently
claiming business usage on your cars – we know you love your BMWs.  I
mean those lollygagging sick people.  We will introduce a luxury tax on
doctor’s visits and medications so sick people will truly appreciate the
help the doctors and chemists are giving them.


It is also obvious that we can no longer accommodate all those people
who are claiming they are old because of some vague family connection
in the past.  Far too many people have been using their age to claim
entitlements that the rest of us don’t receive.  To stamp out this
reverse discrimination we have changed the definition of old to “too old
to work”.  Rather than seeking handouts, we will liberate those who
were previously known as old to seek work usually given to other age
brackets or to retrain for a new career.  Training fees will be deducted
from their estate.


Our greatest priority is to defend our borders against everyone and
everything – asylum seekers, sharks, coral – who knows what deadly
menace is around the corner and under a tree.  To that end we are
amassing squadrons of attack fighter jets, packs of submarines, armadas
of orange life rafts, and a whole fleet of fishermen with mates and
eskies.  They will complement our Navy who patrol our Northern Shores
searching for boats that have stopped and our Airforce who patrol the
Southern Oceans searching for the Mary Celeste.  This will be given an
unlimited budget that will go up by whatever the generals ask for each
year.


We are conscripting our youth into a homeland defence force known as
the Green Army which can be deployed to any mine that may be a possible
target for whoever is invading – maybe the crown of thorn starfish who
already knows that Greg Hunt means business!


To help the unemployed get jobs, we will make everyone part-time, pay
them less, and make them move away from family who could provide
accommodation and friends who could help with transport or share the
cost of living.  Those who choose to commute, we will make them truly
appreciate the cost of petrol by increasing the fuel excise so we can
build more roads.  This will not apply to anyone making over $1 billion a
year.


To show that we are all making sacrifices, rich women will only be
given $1,923 a week to have babies.  Corporate Australia will pay for
this through a 1.5% levy on some businesses in conjunction with a 1.5%
decrease in company tax for all businesses.  That should work….I think.


Any shortfall between government revenue and the subsidies and tax
breaks that we give to mining companies, banks, private health insurers,
and Gina, will be made up equally by all those who earn over $80,000
who don’t have an accountant.  Those of you who do have an accountant
may continue negative gearing because you are the rock upon which this
nation is built.


This is our vision, this is our mission…..


Vive les riches!